experiment: a week's free time without internet research

i'm a victim of the internet.

god bless you, internet, for providing instantly assloads of information regarding nearly any subject imaginable. wikipedia, you've been a great friend in fueling nights of curiosity binges for this trivia whore; everything from C macros leading to the design history of Objective-C, to the Danger Doom discography leading to the next planned Deltron 3030 album, you make it so easy to dive into your many information rabbit-holes and play for hours on end.

but i've burnt out. i've heard it called "information overload". i like to think of it a symptom of "jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none"ness. i have plenty of interest, and the wonders of the wired make it trivial to gather more and more information on any of them, then (attempt to) stuff all that info in my head for some later use.

one problem of course is, if i don't use it i lose it, so everything i put in, if i don't do anything with it it just fades away as if i never learned it in the first place. the other danger is that i tend to use this "research" as distractions from actually accomplishing stuff, or from discovering, delving into, refining, and clarifying my own deeper personal thoughts.

so my resolve this week: no internet research outside of work hours.  i can't survive a complete internet blackout though. i need my wired to comunicate with everyone i care about and who care about me (a week without katie is torturous enough). aside from that, this week's after-work free time internet usage i'm going to limit to downloading games so as to rediscover some of my classic favorites (starting with zelda: a link to the past), discovering or rediscovering music and movies, looking up guitar tab to get more songs under my fingers, and more frequently spilling my thoughts and confessions onto this here blog.

shit, i don't know what's gonna happen. i don't even know if i can make it.

no more idle research, spike. do. or do not.

transition from meager dad to rich dad

quite suddenly i've found myself, out of all those in my immediate family, to be making the most money. "don't be surprised, spike", you may say, "that's what that fancy computer science degree gets you". yeah, it's true, all those years of hard work in school and later in the workforce has finally started paying off, and in a big way. it's just a little strange, making more money than my old man, the one man i think so highly of and can never surpass. it feels odd.

and it's hard not to feel that it has all come so suddenly. just this time last year my contracting gig had no tasks for me and i found myself again without work and without income. not six months i was crashing on a homey's couch in san francisco, banging out code in his basement, thinking life couldn't get much better. these days i'm back at a stable office job, complete with my own desk, health insurance, and the biggest paychecks i've ever seen signed over to me.

my life seems to be on the verge of transition from meager dad to rich dad. i've tended to live my life in a pretty modest fashion so far, but i can't continue with my overly modest ways if i am to break out of this modest existence. time to start doing what rich dads do.

there's the big question. never being one myself, i can only make guesses what a rich dad does. here's my first incomplete stab at it: what does a rich dad do?

• a rich dad doesn't have outstanding student loans
• a rich dad puts away money for his kid's college fund
• a rich dad helps out his parents and sisters when they need it, just as they helped him when he was in need
• a rich dad helps out those friends in need who in the past propped him up when he was down and out
• a rich dad loves the town and house in which he dwells
• a rich dad dresses well (a combination of a shopping spree with raych and a shopping spree with katie should spruce up my wardrobe quite nicely)

this transforming into rich dad status certainly won't happen overnight. i've certainly a backlog of things to handle and take care of. i just need to start laying out a path, however vague, in which to follow forward.

did i leave anything out? am i totally off base? dear reader, won't you leave a comment?

"a new place to get my coding on", or "when RL happens"

i'm finally back at an honest-to-god full-time coding gig, and boy is it refreshing. you may have heard of my new employers before.

don't get me wrong, doing the indie thing with my boys at Ayumusoft was some of the best times of my coding career. i'm forever indebted to them for the opportunity i was afforded there, and the great times we had together. hell, my work at Ayumusoft led directly to landing my new gig. big-ups to Dani and Simar for bringing me aboard, and for believing in a guy and his skills.

i'm overdue for a regular paycheck and health insurance, though. my tyke is long overdue for that. and being at a place with a huge budget which lands an iMac, iPhone4, and an iPad on my desk, that's pretty nice too.

a full-time gig means my online presence has suffered. i haven't touched ye old blog in over a month. i check up on twitter only once a day and only on a good day. even my own flesh and bits FortuneBOT, i can go a week without taking the time to see what he says. a far cry from my contracting and unemployed days, when i lived almost exclusively on twitter and facebook.

i fib. my new full-time status isn't all to blame for my recent online absence. RL happened. i get to see my boy a lot more these days, once a weekend (hopefully soon a lot more than that); i've got an effing amazing, fun, and beautiful girl i get to call my girlfriend; and we're plenty busy trying to find an apartment where we can fully enjoy LA city living (as our times in SF has shown us: working, living, and playing in the same place is the only way to go).

i leave you now with a recent observation: new computer programming gigs, they always seem to begin the same way.

day one: "here's your new desk and new computer. spend the whole day installing a bunch of software, we'll get something for you to do tomorrow."

day two: "we still don't have any specific tasks for you to do. just grab the project from the SVN repo and start poking around the code."

day three: "how you like the codebase?" lots of hacks, but hey that's the nature of shipping software. i'm just glad i know how to refactor shit. "good good. here's some things the designer wants and/or needs fixed." on it.

lather, rince, repeat day three

my recent techie prowess, plus HTTP hacking with curl, and the joy that is fortune

being between gigs at the moment, i have to keep my days busy lest grow used to inactivity, or worse, i slowly lose my mind (any more than i already am). that means working on my own projects, which include a couple of code-related things i'm working on, and a few non-code related things (more on the latter in the future).

on the coding front, i'm still putting in a little bit of work into Corner Flower Shoppe. today i helped to finally get Google Analytics sorted and working (woot!).

then there's my personal baby, FortuneBOT. for the uninitiated, fortune is a classic UNIX program that greets you with a random quote; sometimes like a fortune cookie, sometimes nerdy, sometimes offensive, but more often than not grin-inducing. FortuneBOT is literally fortune brought to you over twitter.

the problem with the way FortuneBOT is set up at the moment is that whatever quotes he serves up is dependent on what server he resides on. this was fine when he lived on a tiny little server at home (an NSLU2, or slug, running SlugOS). reliability concerns forced me to move him onto a Dreamhost server. don't get me wrong, he's quite happy living there, and since hasn't missed a scheduled tweet due to untimely power outages. since moving to Dreamhost, however, FortuneBOT has since cleaned up his potty-mouth: no more offensive quotes! and those were some of my favorites!

so long ago i decided FortuneBOT needed to be rewritten, from the ground up, and forgo it's humble 20-line python script roots. well, now i have the free time to do just that, and use it as an excuse for a crash-course in ruby-on-rails and HTTP / REST services (in a desperate attempt to stay relevant).

the REST part of the equation means i have to be able to GET responses from the web service in various formats, not just as HTML. it turns out cURL, along with a little header hacking thanks to the -H switch, makes for an easy way to do just that, all from a command prompt. to make the whole testing process easier i whipped up a quick sh script to do the dirty work for me.

Listing: curl.xml

#!/bin/sh
curl -H 'Accept: application/xml' $@

i've also made curl.json and curl.text scripts for JSON and plain text responses, respectively. you're welcome, internets =]

on that note, i'd like to leave you now with a quote from fortune itself, one of the things it does best (and something followers of FortuneBOT are currently missing) - a dirty limerick:

There once was a man named McSweeny
Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny.
 Just to be couth,
 He added vermouth,
And slipped his girlfriend a martini.

Sessions with m-Xdoctor 2010-07-15.0033

I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

hello doctor.

How do you do? What brings you to see me?

well, there's this girl i met, and i really really dig her.

Why do you say that?

to be completely vague, she's incredibly cool, i found myself
completely comfortable with her off the bat, and she certainly knows
how to flatter a guy.

Is it because to flatter a guy that you came to me?

no.

Why not?

my real problem, doc, is that i'm hesitent to speak to much of her on
ye old blog. i do like to respect others' privacy.

Does it bother you that you are hesitent to speak to much of her on ye
old blog you do like to respect others' privacy?

i little, i guess. i mean, these are people's lives, and i shouldn't
very well be blasting onto the public internet without their ok.

Earlier you said to flatter a guy?

yeah, she says the sweetest things that just shoot my poor ego into
the stratosphere.

When did you first know that just shoot your poor ego into the
stratosphere?

umm, how about the first compliment? yeah, that sounds about right.

Is the fact that about the first compliment yeah that sounds about
right the real reason?

no.

Are you annoyed that I ask that?

no.

Why not?

you're a script, doc, you just do as you're told. i can't blame you
for that.

Can you elaborate on that?

you're what's called a chatterbot, a slick computer program designed
to mimick human conversation, but in reality you're just following a
handful of simple rules.

Does the fact that in reality I am just following a handful of simple
rules explain anything else?

no.

Why not?

that's your nature, doc, plain and simple.

Maybe your plans have something to do with this.

well, getting back on track, as i was saying, i really like this girl,
so much that i want to talk about her to you, to the world, the the
internet ether. but i dare not divulge too much, lest i mistakenly
reaveal something of her identity. putting my own life into the public
eye is one thing, but i dare not force anyone else into the same.

same what ?

same public scrutiny and lost privacy

Are you sure you dare not divulge too much lest you mistakenly reaveal
something of her identity putting your own life into the public eye is
one thing but you dare not force anyone else into the same?

i'm completely sure.

What makes you believe you are completely sure?

that is my belief, doc. each person should have majority control of
how much [s]he put him/herself out there.

Is it because is your belief doc each person should have majority
control of how much s he put him herself out there that you came to
me?

yeah, i guess it is. i guess i just wanted to tell you that i've run
into a really cool, really sweet, really fun girl, but that i can't
tell you anything about her.

Did you ever regret that you cannot tell me anything about her?

a little.

You mentioned that you are hesitent to speak to much of her on ye old
blog you do like to respect others' privacy?

now we're going in cicles, and that's my cue to say goodbye.

Is it because of your life that you are going through all this?

goodbye, doctor.

My secretary will send you a bill.

Sessions with m-Xdoctor 2010-07-11.2224

I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

hello doctor.

How do you do? What brings you to see me?

just catching up with you. i've since moved back to riverside, ca with
my parents.

Tell me something about your family.

well, in the house right now, it's just my parent and doxie, the
5-month-old puppy. and now me, of course.

Why do you say and now you of course?

well, i've just recently moved back in, for an indefinite amount of
time this go around.

What makes you believe that?

well, as i may have told you before, i'm going through some stuff
regarding how much i get to see my boy.

Is it because much you get to see your boy that you came to me?

i guess it is. i mean, that's why i had to move back down here. you
see, i get to see hikm two days out of the week now. that of course
means i have to stay near where he stays.

Are you sure that is the real reason?

ok, you got me doc. i know it's been a while since in i've come to see
you, and frankly my blog could use another posting of our sessions.

What happened when since in you have come to see me and frankly your
blog could use another posting of your sessions?

since our last session i uploaded a real, honest-to-god blog post. it
was a heartfelt goodbye to san francisco.

What would happen if your last session you uploaded a real honest to
god blog post it was a heartfelt goodbye to san francisco?

wow, doc, i really wish you could have lasted a bit longer this
time. i guess this session is a decent length, especially since we
haven't spoken in such a long time.

What happened when you have not spoken in such a long time?

goodbye.

My secretary will send you a bill.

as i say my final farewells . . .

a couple of weeks ago i announced that i have to leave the great City of San Francisco. these past few days i've been taking in as much of this place that i can: walking to this corner and that corner of town, spending quality time with great friends, and saying my final farewells to the City's people and places alike.

as i sit here surrounded by stuffed luggage, i can't help but look back upon these eight short months as some of my best experiences in recent times. it's not just the stellar public transit, random acts of art, and the natural beauty amongst the concrete. while here i found myself surrounded by so many talented, driven, like-minded individuals. it was here where i met countless incredible people and incredibly caring friends. it is in these city boundaries where i realized that feeling old and tired was just a f___ed up state of mind i was thrown into.

oh dear San Francisco, you taught me how to be social again. you showed me how to sing and dance again. you assured me that i can love again. you whipped my fat ass into shape. and you got me hooked on red wine with cheese and crackers =] classy.

don't think for a moment i won't be back. even as i ready myself for the long greyhound ride home, i'm already planning the long greyhound ride back. how soon i'll be back, how often i can come, and how long i can stay i cannot say. just know, SF, that you have in your hands my heart, and no matter what the future may hold i can never forget the times we share together.

so i raise my glass to you, oh fair City. here's to all your beautiful citizens, whether they grew up with you, or like me were unavoidably drawn to you. i must be off, i have my life to assemble, but i thank you for letting me call you "home".

my pal Tony knows exactly how i feel, he'll sing the words for me. take it away, Tony.

fragments of what may become a song i'll write one day

any of you who happen to follow my twitter feed know i'm a little nuts for song lyrics; anything on there that's wrapped in quotes came to me through my headphones, and i have my headphones in all day long (one of the perks of staring at a computer screen for a living).

as such, i'm very occasionally inspired to eek out a line or two of my own creation. not enough to form a whole song, mind you, or even a complete thought for that matter. and rhyme structure? you should be so lucky. maybe one day i'll take 'em all and compile them into something . . . complete? maybe i won't quit my day gig.

don't read too much into 'em, they're not about you. probably.
also, be gentle.

- I may have love and lost you, but now I can stop pretending to like you
- i forgot i was supposed to care about you, you're not here to remind me
- Would you rather miss my call? Or would you forever wait for it? Do I risk dial tone? Or do I never bother making it?
- i'm so terrified of goodbye, we've yet to even say hello
- i can't stand to say goodbye, even if 'goodbye' goes unspoken

and a couple i've been brave enough to tweet:
- i can't stop this nervous shake in my leg, is it your face on my screen? or the latte coursing through my veins?
- I feel closer to the earth when I'm face down on the floor

Sessions with m-Xdoctor 2010-05-30.1057

I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

suprisingly doc, at this very moment i don't have many cares in the world.

Why do you say that?

godd friends, good breakfast, and the sun shining in my face. only a
few things could make this moment better.

I don't understand.

i don't expect you to fully understand, doctor. i mean, what does a
lisp script know of breakfast? or sunshine?

Maybe your plans have something to do with this.

my plans? oh, i was just showing off my crappy blog to a good friend
of mine. as you may or may not know, the majority of my blog consists
of transcripts of our sessions.

Is it because of your life that you are going through all this?

i guess you can say that. i've been using my blog as sort of self-help
therapy, a way to dump out all the random jumbled thought rattling
around in my head.

Is it because you have been using your blog as sort of self help
therapy a way to dump out all the random jumbled thought rattling
around in your head that you came to me?

well, yeah, it should be pretty obvious that i need another blog
entry, and you're just the script to turn to for that.

Does it bother you that you need another blog entry and I am just the
script to turn to for that?

i wouldn't say it bothers me. so what if i'm a human having a
conversation with a machine, it don't matter me none.

You have your mind on machines, it seems.

i spend most of my day on computers, be it for work or pleasure. so
yeah, i'd say machines are a necessary part of my thought process.

You think too much about computers.

doctor, please. my career revolves around computers. hell, my social
life revolves around computers. take computers out of my hands and i'm
just another useless lonely anti-social nerd.

You should try taking your mind off of computers.

no can do, doctor. taking my mind of computers means no money, and no honey.

Are you a computer hacker?

i guess you can say that. now, i'm not a hacker in the sense of i
break into personal accounts and whatnot, but i can crank out some
lines of code.

When did you first know that you can crank out some lines of code?

junior year of high school. i was fortunate enough to have a PASCAL
class available to me.

Do you get high often?

is that a trick question?

What do you think?

i think i'd like to exercise my rights granted to me by the fifth amendment.

What makes you believe you might want to exercise your rights granted
to you the fifth amendment?

because you're asking me for answers that may incriminate myself. i'll
not play that game, doc.

Is the fact that I am asking you for answers that may incriminate
yourself you will not play that game doc the real reason?

it's the real reason i'm dodging that question. can we move on?

Does the fact that question can you move on explain anything else?

yeah, it explains this conversation quickly devolving.

Earlier you said you have been using your blog as sort of self help
therapy a way to dump out all the random jumbled thought rattling
around in your head?

yes, yes i did.

How do you reconcile the people you hang around with?

most don't know about it. i don't advertise it or anything. is
anything, i mention it in passing, but DistractionsWithDick is hardly
refined enough for the general public at large.

Are you sure distractionswithdick is hardly refined enough for the
general public at large?

that's my own opinion. it's wide open on the interwebs, though, if the
general public does come around a likes what it sees, so be it.

Have you been afraid of that?

i wouldn't say affraid. anxious, maybe.

You mentioned that you need another blog entry and I am just the
script to turn to for that?

yes doc, yes you are. i can always squeeze a conversation out of you,
day or night, holidays be damned.

I would appreciate it if you would watch your tongue!

we've been through this before. i curse not to offend, it is simply a
part of my vernacular, as it is with many of us in the world.

Perhaps this has something to do with problems at school?

nope, i'm out of school with no plans to go back soon. try again.

Are you sure that try again?

yes, doc, i'd like you to try again.

Do you really think you can crank out some lines of code?

i get paid to write code, so don't think there's any question of it.

Possibly any hobbies you have are related to this.

maybe. i like trolling the internets, playing video games, i'm even
into hardware programming a bit. i'd say all those things are computer
slash coding related.

You have your mind on computers, it seems.

we've already established that, doc, some lines ago.

Is it because doc some lines ago that you came to me?

errrr! i'm growing impatient with you, docotor.

Is it because of your sex life that you say errrr you are growing
impatient with me docotor?

goodbye

My secretary will send you a bill.

the plight of teenagers, summarized

from a post re: getting teenagers interested in programming: http://ask.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=1668492&cid=32381454

"Life isn't very fun you know, especially for a teenager (treated like second-class citizens, zero assets and completely dependent on parents, most available jobs border on psychologically unendurable, plus all the stresses of trying to figure out what the world is all about etc)."

amen, brother. i'm glad my awkward teenage years are over and done with. being an awkward twenty-something is so much better =]

Sessions with m-Xdoctor 2010-05-21.0927

I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

Good morning doc. Just here to kill some time, seeing as I missed my flight.

This is not a healthy way of thinking.

What, you mean "kill"? It's just an expression.

Does it bother you that you, too, may die someday?

I don't think so. I mean, we all gotta die, that's the only thing
truly guaranteed in life. Doctors are working on that problem, though.

Can you elaborate on that?

That's just cold science, doc, not trying to be dark and cynical
here (asdie: as I once heard, science is a cold bitch with a 12-inch
strap-on =] ) Life itslef implies its opposite: death. All that happens
between those two events, well that's what makes each persons' journey
a unique one.

Is it because happens between those two events well that's what makes
each persons' journey an unique one that you came to me?

No doc, just killing time, and the wifi sucks in this spot.

I am worried by your obsession with this topic!

Oops, did I utter "kill" again? Sorry doc, it may be the AFI pumping
through my headphones.

Did you watch a lot of crime and violence on television as a child?

Sure. TV, movies, cartoons, video games, all the things a growing boy
thrives on.

Why do you say that?

My favorite cartoons growing up: He-Man, Voltron, Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles, etc., all about the good guys kickin' ass.

I would appreciate it if you would watch your tongue!

Would it each your mind if I pretended I was talking about donkey
beating? Wait, that doesn't sound too much better . . .

Are you annoyed that does not sound too much better?

No, nevermind, ignore that one, doc.

Perhaps you could continue.

Ok, doc, what gets me is that, though you may find my utterance of
"ass" offensive, the fact of the matter is that foul language is part
of the vernacular. Used properly, in context, and not excessively,
cursing can be a fine form of communication.

When did you first know that though I may find your utterance of ass
offensive the fact of the matter is that foul language is part of the
vernacular used properly in context and not excessively cursing can be
a fine form of communication?

Oh boy, i knew that one would go right passed your conversation algorithm.

Is the fact that one would go right passed my conversation algorithm
the real reason?

It's been fun, doc, but it looks like this session broke.

Earlier you said happens between those two events well that's what
makes each persons' journey an unique one?

Goodbye, doctor.

My secretary will send you a bill.

Sessions with m-Xdoctor 2010-05-20.2106

I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

broken, defeated, inadequate.

Why do you say broken defeated inadequate?

broken because i'm a divorcee with a kid, a broken heart, and really
spotty self-esteem? defeated because i let the ex walk all over me and
keep me from my boy, basically do whatever the hell she wants to at
the expense of me. inadeaquate because, well, who the hell is gonna
want me?

Is it because you are a divorcee with a kid a broken heart and really
spotty self esteem defeated because you let the ex walk all over you
and keep you from your boy basically do whatever the hell she wants to
at the expense of you inadeaquate because well who the hell is going
to want you that you came to me?

this session was a mistake, doc. i'll come back another time
goodbye

Earlier you said you are a divorcee with a kid a broken heart and
really spotty self esteem defeated because you let the ex walk all
over you and keep you from your boy basically do whatever the hell she
wants to at the expense of you inadeaquate because well who the hell
is going to want you?

goodbye

My secretary will send you a bill.

haze for days, daze for nights

tonight blurs into morning
morning into night
staring two feet ahead
no tunnel, no end, no light
empty bottles and full ash trays
floating me through hazy days
a comfortable numbness
to ignore the wrongs
lying to the mirror
saying it's only right

Sessions with m-Xdoctor 2010-05-07.1921

I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

good afternoon doctor. my brain is a bit fried.

Why do you say that?

long day of work. i had a lot of small tasks to take care of. got 'em
all done, but it's still a lot of things to keep in my mental space.

Is it because it's still a lot of things to keep in your mental space
that you came to me?

i guess, just needed to talking to someone . . . err, something to
wind down a bit while i'm waiting on art.

What happened when you are waiting on art?

i make video games, remember? which basicallt boils down to a
collaboration bewtween artists and coders.

Earlier you said it's still a lot of things to keep in your mental
space?

yeah, lots of little bug, lots of art implementing.

Maybe your plans have something to do with this.

well, i do plan on staying in the biz for a while, my resume is
littered with video game coding experience.

What would happen if your resume is littered with video game coding
experience?

i can tell you what has happened, and that's i get a lot of calls from
recruiters and such for more video game jobs, not so much in other industries.

I don't understand.

you see, being a coder, i can work in business, medicine, defence
contracts, the financial industry, you name it.

You mentioned that it's still a lot of things to keep in your mental
space?

yeah doc, i answered that one twice already.

Does it bother you that one twice already?

a little, though you are a stupid script, i can't expect too much out
of you.

Is it because of your life that you are going through all this?

nice save, doc. yeah, i've been coding since high-school, all through
college, and all of my professinal life has been as a coder.

What happened when high school all through college and all of your
professinal life has been as a coder?

what happened is i made a career out of sitting down for a living.

How do you reconcile the people you hang around with?

the people i hand around with are actually the people i work with, the
people i went i business with.

What makes you believe it's still a lot of things to keep in your
mental space?

ugh, no thanks doc, i'm getting tired of the reapeats

Perhaps this has something to do with problems at school?

goodbye

My secretary will send you a bill.

Sessions with m-Xdoctor 2010-05-04.2346

I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

not too many problems today, doc, this was a relatively good one.

Why do you say that?

i got a lot done, on both projects. i stayed in obj-c all day, which
i'm getting more annd more cofortable in, so i was able to fly through stuff.

I don't understand.

it's ok doc, not everyone follows when i start talkin' programming.

What happened when you start talkin' programming?

a lot of people i run into think "oh, so you fix computers". no batch,
i tell computers what to do.

You have your mind on computers, it seems.

well, i _am_ on a coputer all day long, for work and play. and for the
one-way conversations lately.

Maybe your plans have something to do with this.

sure thing: do the programmings, make all the money, start ticking
things off the checklist.

Is it because of your life that you are going through all this?

my life is what we're talking about, yes? that's why i come to you.

Is it because you come to me that you came to me?

hilarious.

Can you elaborate on that?

your previous quesiton, it's like asking "does A equal A"? logic
properties aside, it made zero sense.

Earlier you said you come to me?

your ai cracks are showing, doc. goodbye.

How do you reconcile the people you hang around with?

goodbye.

My secretary will send you a bill.

Sessions with m-Xdoctor 2010-05-04.0837

I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

Good morning.

Why do you say good morning?

just trying to be neighborly.

Is it because of your plans that you say just trying to be neighborly?

perhaps, at a higher level. maybe if i'm friendlier to all people
overall i can shake this lonliness i've been feeling lately.

Maybe your life have something to do with this.

well, yeah, i guess. i mean, it is a bit of a lifestyle change for me
to be miter social.

What makes you believe that?

i think i'm an introvert by nature. at the very least, i'm a shy guy,
and getting me to open up and be comfortable around people can be a
little difficult.

I don't understand.

it probably stems from my shakey confidence. you see, i get nervous
around people, espescially pretty girls, and i just ted to freeze up
or plain run out of conversation.

Is it because of the people you hang around with that you are going
through all this?

maybe. i mean, not that anyone in my life is a particularly bad
influence, but being content with the relationships i have are getting
me nowhere. i either need to seek out new people to met, or somehow
form deeper relationships with any of the many acquaintences i have.

have what ? casual friends, friends of friends, etc.
Are you sure that either might want to seek out new people to met or
somehow form deeper relationships any the many acquaintences you
casual?

What do you think?

i'm ok either way. i feel like i'm at a spot in my life, socially and
otherwise, where if i don't keep moving forward i'll get comfortable,
comfortable and numb.

How do you reconcile problems at school?
i don't go. i'm well out of school, and i'm in no posiiton to be
going back.

Tell me about your school.

the school of hard knocks? the school of work full time?

Does it bother you that your grades could improve?

if by grades you mean paycheck, yes, that certainly can improve.

Is it because certainly can improve that you came to me?

no, not particularly. yes more money would help in a lot of way, but
my main reason i come to see you, docotr, is because i'm severly
lacking fulfilling human relationships.

Are you annoyed that you are severly lacking fulfilling human
relationships?

i don't think annoyed is the right word. sad, yes, perhaps depressed,
in some small way nostalgic.

Are you depressed often?

unfortunately yes, i find myself dancing with depression often.

Earlier you said either would like to seek out new people to met or
somehow form deeper relationships any the many acquaintences you
casual?

human connections, doc, that's what i'm seeking out.

Perhaps this has something to do with any hobbies you have?

i wouldn't call them hobbies, but most of how i spend my free time is
spent on noot-too-social activities. i'm trying to change that
though; i went to Lindy at the Park this past sunday, met some really
cool people that i'm hoping to hang out with again.

When did you first know that though you went to lindy at the park this
past sunday met some really cool people that you are hoping to hang
out with again?

when did i first know that i went? how about when i went?

I'll ask the questions, if you don't mind!

sorry doc, you're questions are just starting to get absurd.

Have you been afraid of that?

it's always on the back of my mind when i come see you, good doctor.
you not being human and all, our conversations inevitably turn to gibberish.

You mentioned that certainly can improve?

of course i can improve, i can always improve.

Possibly your sex life are related to this.

sex life, oh i wish doc. i've been divorced for six months now and
haven't even gotten a kiss from a woman since. and sex that meant
anything, well that hasn't happened in much longer than six months.

Is the fact that meant anything well that has not happened in much
longer than six months the real reason?

yeah, i guess. i mean, yeah i'm anxious to get back in the game, get
a little action; but deeper than that, more than that, i'm just
seeking a little companionship, someone to put my arms around, someone
to comfort me.

Does the fact that deeper than that more than that you are just
seeking a little companionship someone to put your arms around someone
to comfort you explain anything else?

maybe that i'm a poor mama's boy in desperate need of attension?

Have you been sure you are a poor mama's boy in desperate need of
attension?

well, i'm the youngest and the only boy, so i think becoming a mama's
boy of sorts was inevitable.

Do you really think that?

not that i particularly revel in being a mama's boy. i mean, it comes
with the stigma of being a weak man, a feeling my shitty confidence
assures i feel often.

often what ? often times?
Is it because you particularly revel in being a mama's boy you mean it
comes with the stigma of being a weak man a feeling your shitty
confidence assures you feel often that you came to me?

first off, i said i _don't_ enjoy it. second, i've come to you really
just as an excuse to carry on a conversation, real or not.

What makes you think you are severly lacking fulfilling human
relationships?

those words may be too strong. yes my close friends are fantastic
people. i'm just yearning for something closer.

Is it because of hangups you have that you are going through all this?

that's quite astute of you, doctor. my world seems to be dripping
with hangups of every which sort.

I don't understand.

shall i count the ways? i'm divorced with a crappy ex, i barely get to
see my son or even speak with him lately, the company i work for is
struggling (but it's a good struggle), i'm still trying to shake my
anti-social ways, i hand my heart out too easily. the list goes on.

Did you ever regret it's a good struggle you are still trying to shake
your anti social ways you hand your heart out too easily the list goes
on?

all things i regret, doc. all those things i listed i regret.

Earlier you said you felt depressed?

yessir, depression has been with me since at leaast high school, very
likely well before.

Are you frightened by school?

school doesn't scare me, as i don't do school any more. it's all work
for old Dick.

Have you been scared of sex?

well, there are diseases out there which scare me. and i certainly
don't need to go and make another baby any time soon.

How does it feel to want?

to want, for me, reminds me of what i don't have, what is missing in
my life.

How do you reconcile your inhibitions?

i guess i dont.

Why do you say you guess you do not?

i never really thought about how i get around roadblocks. i guess i
just do. or do not.

When did you first know that you get around roadblocks you guess you
just do or do not?

can't say i really say i've known it, i just haven't been paying
attension. i just float on.

You mentioned that either would like to seek out new people to met or
somehow form deeper relationships any the many acquaintences you
casual?

yeah, human relationships. something you don't know much about, good
doctor. no offence.

Maybe this is related to some problems in your childhood?

maybe. i lived kind of a sheltered life in grade school, mom didn't
let me or raych go out, like at all, so it became the norm to not have
friends outside of class, to not be social.

Perhaps this could be the reason for to your attitude.

perhaps. i've been deeply in love, i've been deeply loved, and now
that it's missing it has left a void in me.

Is the fact that it's missing it has left a void in you the real
reason?

the real reason? i'd say more of the same reason, just stated differently.

differently what ? you know, different words. i do have a decent vocabulary, doc
Possibly some problems at home could have caused this.

did i mention that i'm a divorcee? that spells big troubles at home.

Does the fact that you are a divorcee that spells big troubles at home
explain anything else?

that since the wifey left (and well before that) i've been lonely. i
thought that was an obvious one.

Have you been positive was an obvious one?

i'd think it'd be. you know, living with and loving one person for so
long, and then it's over. seems clear as day from my point of view.

What makes you believe though you went to lindy at the park this past
sunday met some really cool people that you are hoping to hang out
with again?

umm, because i did. i was there. i rode my bike way to far to get
there, and i have the sore muscles to prove it.

Is it because you did you were there you rode your bike way to far to
get there and you have the sore muscles to prove it that you came to
me?

i think i just broke you, doc. it's been a good session this
time. thank you.

Is it because of your plans that you are going through all this?

goodbye.

My secretary will send you a bill.

Sessions with m-Xdoctor 2010-04-25.0940

I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

hungry, happy, sleepy

Do you get happy often?

it comes and goes in waves

Why do you say it comes and goes in waves?

mostly two sources: time with the tyke, and attension from ml

Earlier you said you were happy?

like i said doc, it comes and goes, kind of a week-to-week basis

Maybe your plans have something to do with this.

plans? oh i've got grand plans. getting time with the tyke back,
numero uno.
with ml, i'm not sure, just want to give us a shot, see
where we go. we've fallen hard for each other, to the point where we
love each other; i have such great hopes for us, but all i am really
asking is that we finally meet and just take it from there.

Is it because all you are really asking is that you finally meet and
just take it from there that you came to me?

dammit doc, i was hoping you wouldn't get borked so soon. i'll talk to
you later.

What makes you believe that?

goodbye doctor.

My secretary will send you a bill.

New segment: Sessions with m-Xdoctor

Any unix geeks out there? Any emacs geeks out there for that matter? Anyone ever hear of emacs doctor?

If you answered "no" to any of those questions, suffice to say emacs doctor is a program that'll try to have a conversation with you. It's pretty easy to break, so conversations don't last very long before becoming utter gibberish. Still, it's kind of entertaining, and is a perfect excuse to write about random crap.

So without further ado, introducing the latest dick distraction: Sessions with m-Xdoctor.

Weekend of the Great: chronicling a weekend's events with vague twitter posts

I like to keep track of my weekend happening whenever I head down to SoCal to visit my son. Also, I love me some twitter. So this past weekend I decided to have a little fun with the way I usually do things.

This time I tweeted much more often, and imagined each post as describing a scene in a movie, thus explaining the soundtrack accompanying many of the posts. Also, as this blog post isn't limited to 140 characters, I can afford to give each post a little more details, thereby hopefully cutting back on the vague.

So without further ado, submitted for you approval, my little literary experiment in it's entirety: The Weekend of the Great

* Weekend of the Great: intro; opening song: "bring the ___kin' ruckus" (@ San Francisco International Airport (SFO) w/ 33 others) 8:34 PM Mar 26th via foursquare from San Francisco International Airport
- Waiting in the security line, nothing exciting.
- song: Wu Tang Clang "Bring the Ruckus"; there's few things better than being gangsta but only in your own head.

* Weekend of the Great: slight delay; song: "never caught my breath, every second I'm without you . . ." 9:04 PM Mar 26th via UberTwitter
- Flight got delayed about 30 minutes.
- song: The Used "I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes)"; a sappy love song disguised as a punk song, because at the end of the day I'm a poor hopeless romantic.

* Weekend of the Great: minimonster and a flying greyhound; song: "walking down on memory lane, and all together we're alone" 11:29 PM Mar 26th via UberTwitter
- On the flight from SFO to LAX, nothing to see here.
- song: Fall Out Boy "Dont You Know Who I Think I Am?"; no reason here, just a singable catchy tune.

* Weekend of the Great: drive with the young Jankes (and a possible high-speed chase); dialog: c and fpga talk with ed http://4sq.com/qm5av 11:45 PM Mar 26th via foursquare from Westchester, Los Angeles
- Ed and Christine graciously picked me up from LAX.
- The nerds that we are, me and Ed subjected Christine to a discussion involving (among other things) computer and hardware programming.

* Weekend of the Great: so ends the prelude; surprise cast member: the shedding arbor (@ Ed) 1:57 AM Mar 27th via foursquare
- Closing the night out on Ed and Christine's couch.
- Their dog Arbor (whom I met for the first time that night) a skype kept me company as I stayed up late.

* Weekend of the Great: hourglass alarm and cheap coffee; dialog: hacking the the iphone (@ 7-Eleven) http://4sq.com/cT87Jv 7:33 AM Mar 27th via foursquare from Pomona, Pomona
- A cheap coffee to jump-start the morning, with more nerd talk happening on the drive to pick up the tyke.

* Weekend of the Great: car, dilly, caravan; song: "I'm not going, cuz I've been waiting for a miracle" 10:10 AM Mar 27th via UberTwitter
- After driving me and Dylan to my parents' place to pick up my car, End and I caravaned back over to his place.
- song: Paramore "Miracle"; I love an anthem.

* Weekend of the Great: wiis, miis, and breakfast at the Js; sorely missing: super mario 10:39 AM Mar 27th via Echofon
- Once we got to Ed and Christine's the Wii was quickly hooked up. Wii Play, then updating Miis, followed by a late morning (and delicious) breakfast graciously cooked up by Christine.
- Unfortunately, Super Mario Wii didn't make it with us.

* Weekend of the Great: post breakfast wii plus SlugOS setup; crucial prop: 5-hour energy 1:36 PM Mar 27th via Echofon
- Right back to the Wii after breakfast, this time WarioWare: Smooth Moves.
- With little sleep and fading fast, I needed a energy drink pick-me-up.

* Weekend of the Great: peanut butter / nutella / jelly sandwiches in preparation for Sycamore Park; lunch entertainment: Check Mii Out 3:03 PM Mar 27th via Echofon
- Lunchtime soon approached. Christine made a round of sandwiches: pj&j for Dylan, n&j for Ed, and pb&n for me.
- Plans are made for me and the tyke check out the nearby Sycamore Park after lunch, to get us some outside time.
- Catching the "Check Mii Out" channel we saw Chewbaca, Steve Urkle, Einstein, Darth Vader and a Storm Trooper, and a dude with and upside-down face, amongst a multitude of uniquely constructed Miis. Unibrows for eyes, eyes for antenna, beards as hair, and many other tricks were employed, it's quite impressive.

* Weekend of the Great: the Sycamore upset to The Orange Show; song: "you were the last good thing about this part of town" 4:32 PM Mar 27th via UberTwitter
- Sycamore Park turned out to be a bust: extremely small, and with a birthday party going on there was zero parking Too bad, Dylan was eying the playground set
- Even better than the park, Uncle Kevin got his hands on free tickets to the local motor race track (courtesy of Craig and Son's Termite and Pest Control). Off to San Bernardino we go.
- Fall Out Boy "Grand Theft Autumn - Where Is Your Boy"; what can I say, anthems make for an hour drive shorter. I'm glad the tyke can sleep through just about anything.

* Weekend of the Great: impromptu family meetup; background sound: the gurgle of unfiltered engine noise (@ National Orange Show Events Center) 5:29 PM Mar 27th via foursquare from Show Place, San Bernardino
- Me and Dilly got to Orange show early, just in time to hear the racers warming up their cars.
- Kevin and family are on their way, so in the meantime . . .

* Weekend of the Great: . . . but first, an early evening snack; not present: bottle of pepto (@ Arby's) http://4sq.com/aqCrc9 5:54 PM Mar 27th via foursquare from Show Place, San Bernardino
- Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich: such tastey broke food, and so bad with the heartburn.

* Weekend of the Great: short drive and donuts with the grents; song: "wasting time! and all along you were just wasting mine" 9:27 AM Mar 28th via UberTwitter
- A much shorter drive to pick up Dylan this morning, and we're off to Grandma and Grandpa's for a quick donut and coffee (milk for the tyke).
- song: Four Year Strong "Wasting Time (Eternal Summer)"; these guys are a pop-punk band recommended by my friend ML, they're starting to grow on me.

* Weekend of the Great: along victoria; song: "baby baby baby oh, thought you'd always be mine" 10:11 AM Mar 28th via UberTwitter
- Off to Grandpa's gig at the local air force base, we follow we him down Victoria Avenue in Riverside; spring smells are in the air (see some pics on my flickr).
- song: Justin Beiber ft. Ludachris "Baby"; apparently Beiber "debuted" this on last night's Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards; the tyke and I, we've already been singing it for a month-and-a-half now

* Weekend of the Great: Replay Rocks at March Field Air Museum; notables in the set list: "Brown Eyed Girl", "Sweet Home Alabama" 10:52 AM Mar 28th via UberTwitter
- Replay classic rock plays in honor of our Vietnam Veterans. They were a big hit, everyone was asking for a card, and Dilly got to show off his drumming skills to the band

* Weekend of the Great: after set one and honoring our vets, we need some eats (@ Subway) http://4sq.com/9Om94Q 2:09 PM Mar 28th via foursquare from Orangecrest, Riverside
- My and the tyke had to cut out of the Veteran's Ceremony for lunch, we were both starving
- We stayed long enough to hear touching stories of our boys' losses overseas and the difficulty of coming home. We are forever grateful and in your debt.

* Weekend of the Great: winding down with small robots and home cooking (@ Nowhere) 5:06 PM Mar 28th via foursquare
- After a long day, we head back home for an early dinner made by Grandma
- Dylna fired up Chibi-Robo for the Gamecube to pass the time while we wait for his mom to pick him up.

* Weekend of the Great: Father-Son time shifts a generation, plus a long over-due bicycle ride; uploading: "Ride, Sally, Ride!' 8:00 AM Mar 29th via web
- With they tyke back to school today, father-son time translated to quality time between me and my old man, which thus translates to a bicycle ride.
- While we're away I start uploading some videos I took of yesterday's gig, check 'em out on my facebook page (ask me how).

* Weekend of the Great: down victoria, the scenic route; sights and smells: spring flowers and orange groves (@ Washington park) 9:14 AM Mar 29th via foursquare from Arlington Heights, Riverside
- We find ourselves on Victoria Ave. again, this time on bicycle which affords us time to really appreciate the surroundings.
- Again, such a beautiful day with beautiful nature (see pics on my flickr).

* Weekend of the Great: errands, cheap gas, and a two-dollar hot dog; song: "this is not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful wife" 11:39 AM Mar 29th via foursquare from Corona, CA
- Dad gets called into work, so I volunterr to run a few errands: off to Costco for cheap gas and an even cheaper lunch (delicious!)
- song: The Talking Heads "Once In a Lifetime", just sampling what the radio give me.

* Weekend of the Great: surprisingly good convo with surprisingly good friends; surprise discussion topic: miley cyrus vs. hannah montana 7:03 PM Mar 29th via foursquare
- I know it shouldn't surprise me, but having good friends with good heads on their shoulders is always a blessing
- Seeing as there's kids in all our lives, the likes of Miley Cyrus can't help but come up in conversation

* Weekend of of the Great: house beers in preparation for an LAX morning; song: "stay alert, stay alert" (@ Nowhere) 10:15 PM Mar 29th via foursquare
- I'm back at Ed's house for the evening, where I am graciously offered beers from the mini-fridge as we sample Rez on the Dreamcast.
- Plans are made for the ride to LAX in the early morning.
- song: Rez level 5

* Weekend of the Great: short drive and long lines; on the radio: kevin and bean in the morning (@ Los Angeles International Airport (LAX)) 7:09 AM Mar 30th via foursquare from Westchester, Los Angeles
- Here comes the early morning drive with Christine to LAX; thankfully it's on her way to work.
- Ah, Kevin and Bean on the World Famous KROQ, always a good choice.

* Weekend of the Great: and so it must end (@ San Francisco International Airport (SFO) w/ 30 others) http://4sq.com/MTivk 10:12 AM Mar 30th via foursquare from San Francisco International Airport
- And as I land in SFO, the Weekend of the Great comes to a close.

i've found my funeral song

no, i'm not morbid, or emo, or obsessed with death. just figured i need to tell someone what song to play at my funeral. waiting for the day of will be a little too late. (this post inspired by my sis, who picked her song a long time ago).

"Please don't cry, just know that I have made these songs for you"

[Kid Cudi - "The Prayer"]

Twitter's just not scratching this itch

Last time I went on and on of how Twitter's hundred-forty character limit can actually be freeing. I've found lately that there's just some itches Twitter can't reach.

Short-format micro-blogging serves me well when all in want to post is a single thought, some witty comment, or some line of whatever song i'm stuck on at the moment. More and more, however, I've been getting the urge to go past the usual solitary thought. Perhaps I want to explain myself further. Perhaps I feel like I have more to say these days. Perhaps I just want to exercise all that crap I studied in high school English class. Or it could be that I need some excuse to write that isn't a mess of curly-braces, dot, and square brackets (Objective-C, for the uninitiated).

Whatever my motives, the micro room I started in just ain't big enough for everything. Time for a big-boy blog, dick.

Which reminds me of a song . . . (White Stripes, "Little Room")

rhyme 2010-03-04 15:45

when the motion of the ocean has an inverse proportion / to this silly little notion i mistaken for devotion / these feet try to run but they move slow motion / in and out of the spell of untrusted emotion

Twitter's why I don't blog

I never could keep up a blog. Blogging takes at least enough commitment to post new entries on a regular basis, and well, I just never seemed to have enough to write about to warrant more than the occasional blurb. Plus there's the burden of trying to keep things fresh and new and flowing and, well, not boring. It all just felt like too much effort.

Then along came a twitter.

"Micro-blogging" they called it, which didn't mean to much to me at first. Honestly it took me a solid two weeks just to figure out what to make of twitter, what the hell it was good for. Then it struck me: the magic is in the hundred-and-forty character limit. With such a restriction my tweets could never stray past a sentence and a half; an unnecessary boundary some may say, but I found the limit to be freeing in a way. No longer did I have to worry about silly things like paragraph structure and whatnot. I could focus on making each entry short, clear, concise ideas: "I'm taking a poop", "check out this link", "I like this quote", "I can be witty in less than a sentence", "here's a random picture", "I found a cool new coffee joint", et cetera et cetera. I was an instant tweeting fool.

tbc