Sessions with m-Xdoctor 2010-07-15.0033

I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

hello doctor.

How do you do? What brings you to see me?

well, there's this girl i met, and i really really dig her.

Why do you say that?

to be completely vague, she's incredibly cool, i found myself
completely comfortable with her off the bat, and she certainly knows
how to flatter a guy.

Is it because to flatter a guy that you came to me?

no.

Why not?

my real problem, doc, is that i'm hesitent to speak to much of her on
ye old blog. i do like to respect others' privacy.

Does it bother you that you are hesitent to speak to much of her on ye
old blog you do like to respect others' privacy?

i little, i guess. i mean, these are people's lives, and i shouldn't
very well be blasting onto the public internet without their ok.

Earlier you said to flatter a guy?

yeah, she says the sweetest things that just shoot my poor ego into
the stratosphere.

When did you first know that just shoot your poor ego into the
stratosphere?

umm, how about the first compliment? yeah, that sounds about right.

Is the fact that about the first compliment yeah that sounds about
right the real reason?

no.

Are you annoyed that I ask that?

no.

Why not?

you're a script, doc, you just do as you're told. i can't blame you
for that.

Can you elaborate on that?

you're what's called a chatterbot, a slick computer program designed
to mimick human conversation, but in reality you're just following a
handful of simple rules.

Does the fact that in reality I am just following a handful of simple
rules explain anything else?

no.

Why not?

that's your nature, doc, plain and simple.

Maybe your plans have something to do with this.

well, getting back on track, as i was saying, i really like this girl,
so much that i want to talk about her to you, to the world, the the
internet ether. but i dare not divulge too much, lest i mistakenly
reaveal something of her identity. putting my own life into the public
eye is one thing, but i dare not force anyone else into the same.

same what ?

same public scrutiny and lost privacy

Are you sure you dare not divulge too much lest you mistakenly reaveal
something of her identity putting your own life into the public eye is
one thing but you dare not force anyone else into the same?

i'm completely sure.

What makes you believe you are completely sure?

that is my belief, doc. each person should have majority control of
how much [s]he put him/herself out there.

Is it because is your belief doc each person should have majority
control of how much s he put him herself out there that you came to
me?

yeah, i guess it is. i guess i just wanted to tell you that i've run
into a really cool, really sweet, really fun girl, but that i can't
tell you anything about her.

Did you ever regret that you cannot tell me anything about her?

a little.

You mentioned that you are hesitent to speak to much of her on ye old
blog you do like to respect others' privacy?

now we're going in cicles, and that's my cue to say goodbye.

Is it because of your life that you are going through all this?

goodbye, doctor.

My secretary will send you a bill.

Sessions with m-Xdoctor 2010-07-11.2224

I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

hello doctor.

How do you do? What brings you to see me?

just catching up with you. i've since moved back to riverside, ca with
my parents.

Tell me something about your family.

well, in the house right now, it's just my parent and doxie, the
5-month-old puppy. and now me, of course.

Why do you say and now you of course?

well, i've just recently moved back in, for an indefinite amount of
time this go around.

What makes you believe that?

well, as i may have told you before, i'm going through some stuff
regarding how much i get to see my boy.

Is it because much you get to see your boy that you came to me?

i guess it is. i mean, that's why i had to move back down here. you
see, i get to see hikm two days out of the week now. that of course
means i have to stay near where he stays.

Are you sure that is the real reason?

ok, you got me doc. i know it's been a while since in i've come to see
you, and frankly my blog could use another posting of our sessions.

What happened when since in you have come to see me and frankly your
blog could use another posting of your sessions?

since our last session i uploaded a real, honest-to-god blog post. it
was a heartfelt goodbye to san francisco.

What would happen if your last session you uploaded a real honest to
god blog post it was a heartfelt goodbye to san francisco?

wow, doc, i really wish you could have lasted a bit longer this
time. i guess this session is a decent length, especially since we
haven't spoken in such a long time.

What happened when you have not spoken in such a long time?

goodbye.

My secretary will send you a bill.

as i say my final farewells . . .

a couple of weeks ago i announced that i have to leave the great City of San Francisco. these past few days i've been taking in as much of this place that i can: walking to this corner and that corner of town, spending quality time with great friends, and saying my final farewells to the City's people and places alike.

as i sit here surrounded by stuffed luggage, i can't help but look back upon these eight short months as some of my best experiences in recent times. it's not just the stellar public transit, random acts of art, and the natural beauty amongst the concrete. while here i found myself surrounded by so many talented, driven, like-minded individuals. it was here where i met countless incredible people and incredibly caring friends. it is in these city boundaries where i realized that feeling old and tired was just a f___ed up state of mind i was thrown into.

oh dear San Francisco, you taught me how to be social again. you showed me how to sing and dance again. you assured me that i can love again. you whipped my fat ass into shape. and you got me hooked on red wine with cheese and crackers =] classy.

don't think for a moment i won't be back. even as i ready myself for the long greyhound ride home, i'm already planning the long greyhound ride back. how soon i'll be back, how often i can come, and how long i can stay i cannot say. just know, SF, that you have in your hands my heart, and no matter what the future may hold i can never forget the times we share together.

so i raise my glass to you, oh fair City. here's to all your beautiful citizens, whether they grew up with you, or like me were unavoidably drawn to you. i must be off, i have my life to assemble, but i thank you for letting me call you "home".

my pal Tony knows exactly how i feel, he'll sing the words for me. take it away, Tony.

fragments of what may become a song i'll write one day

any of you who happen to follow my twitter feed know i'm a little nuts for song lyrics; anything on there that's wrapped in quotes came to me through my headphones, and i have my headphones in all day long (one of the perks of staring at a computer screen for a living).

as such, i'm very occasionally inspired to eek out a line or two of my own creation. not enough to form a whole song, mind you, or even a complete thought for that matter. and rhyme structure? you should be so lucky. maybe one day i'll take 'em all and compile them into something . . . complete? maybe i won't quit my day gig.

don't read too much into 'em, they're not about you. probably.
also, be gentle.

- I may have love and lost you, but now I can stop pretending to like you
- i forgot i was supposed to care about you, you're not here to remind me
- Would you rather miss my call? Or would you forever wait for it? Do I risk dial tone? Or do I never bother making it?
- i'm so terrified of goodbye, we've yet to even say hello
- i can't stand to say goodbye, even if 'goodbye' goes unspoken

and a couple i've been brave enough to tweet:
- i can't stop this nervous shake in my leg, is it your face on my screen? or the latte coursing through my veins?
- I feel closer to the earth when I'm face down on the floor

Sessions with m-Xdoctor 2010-05-30.1057

I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

suprisingly doc, at this very moment i don't have many cares in the world.

Why do you say that?

godd friends, good breakfast, and the sun shining in my face. only a
few things could make this moment better.

I don't understand.

i don't expect you to fully understand, doctor. i mean, what does a
lisp script know of breakfast? or sunshine?

Maybe your plans have something to do with this.

my plans? oh, i was just showing off my crappy blog to a good friend
of mine. as you may or may not know, the majority of my blog consists
of transcripts of our sessions.

Is it because of your life that you are going through all this?

i guess you can say that. i've been using my blog as sort of self-help
therapy, a way to dump out all the random jumbled thought rattling
around in my head.

Is it because you have been using your blog as sort of self help
therapy a way to dump out all the random jumbled thought rattling
around in your head that you came to me?

well, yeah, it should be pretty obvious that i need another blog
entry, and you're just the script to turn to for that.

Does it bother you that you need another blog entry and I am just the
script to turn to for that?

i wouldn't say it bothers me. so what if i'm a human having a
conversation with a machine, it don't matter me none.

You have your mind on machines, it seems.

i spend most of my day on computers, be it for work or pleasure. so
yeah, i'd say machines are a necessary part of my thought process.

You think too much about computers.

doctor, please. my career revolves around computers. hell, my social
life revolves around computers. take computers out of my hands and i'm
just another useless lonely anti-social nerd.

You should try taking your mind off of computers.

no can do, doctor. taking my mind of computers means no money, and no honey.

Are you a computer hacker?

i guess you can say that. now, i'm not a hacker in the sense of i
break into personal accounts and whatnot, but i can crank out some
lines of code.

When did you first know that you can crank out some lines of code?

junior year of high school. i was fortunate enough to have a PASCAL
class available to me.

Do you get high often?

is that a trick question?

What do you think?

i think i'd like to exercise my rights granted to me by the fifth amendment.

What makes you believe you might want to exercise your rights granted
to you the fifth amendment?

because you're asking me for answers that may incriminate myself. i'll
not play that game, doc.

Is the fact that I am asking you for answers that may incriminate
yourself you will not play that game doc the real reason?

it's the real reason i'm dodging that question. can we move on?

Does the fact that question can you move on explain anything else?

yeah, it explains this conversation quickly devolving.

Earlier you said you have been using your blog as sort of self help
therapy a way to dump out all the random jumbled thought rattling
around in your head?

yes, yes i did.

How do you reconcile the people you hang around with?

most don't know about it. i don't advertise it or anything. is
anything, i mention it in passing, but DistractionsWithDick is hardly
refined enough for the general public at large.

Are you sure distractionswithdick is hardly refined enough for the
general public at large?

that's my own opinion. it's wide open on the interwebs, though, if the
general public does come around a likes what it sees, so be it.

Have you been afraid of that?

i wouldn't say affraid. anxious, maybe.

You mentioned that you need another blog entry and I am just the
script to turn to for that?

yes doc, yes you are. i can always squeeze a conversation out of you,
day or night, holidays be damned.

I would appreciate it if you would watch your tongue!

we've been through this before. i curse not to offend, it is simply a
part of my vernacular, as it is with many of us in the world.

Perhaps this has something to do with problems at school?

nope, i'm out of school with no plans to go back soon. try again.

Are you sure that try again?

yes, doc, i'd like you to try again.

Do you really think you can crank out some lines of code?

i get paid to write code, so don't think there's any question of it.

Possibly any hobbies you have are related to this.

maybe. i like trolling the internets, playing video games, i'm even
into hardware programming a bit. i'd say all those things are computer
slash coding related.

You have your mind on computers, it seems.

we've already established that, doc, some lines ago.

Is it because doc some lines ago that you came to me?

errrr! i'm growing impatient with you, docotor.

Is it because of your sex life that you say errrr you are growing
impatient with me docotor?

goodbye

My secretary will send you a bill.

the plight of teenagers, summarized

from a post re: getting teenagers interested in programming: http://ask.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=1668492&cid=32381454

"Life isn't very fun you know, especially for a teenager (treated like second-class citizens, zero assets and completely dependent on parents, most available jobs border on psychologically unendurable, plus all the stresses of trying to figure out what the world is all about etc)."

amen, brother. i'm glad my awkward teenage years are over and done with. being an awkward twenty-something is so much better =]

Sessions with m-Xdoctor 2010-05-21.0927

I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

Good morning doc. Just here to kill some time, seeing as I missed my flight.

This is not a healthy way of thinking.

What, you mean "kill"? It's just an expression.

Does it bother you that you, too, may die someday?

I don't think so. I mean, we all gotta die, that's the only thing
truly guaranteed in life. Doctors are working on that problem, though.

Can you elaborate on that?

That's just cold science, doc, not trying to be dark and cynical
here (asdie: as I once heard, science is a cold bitch with a 12-inch
strap-on =] ) Life itslef implies its opposite: death. All that happens
between those two events, well that's what makes each persons' journey
a unique one.

Is it because happens between those two events well that's what makes
each persons' journey an unique one that you came to me?

No doc, just killing time, and the wifi sucks in this spot.

I am worried by your obsession with this topic!

Oops, did I utter "kill" again? Sorry doc, it may be the AFI pumping
through my headphones.

Did you watch a lot of crime and violence on television as a child?

Sure. TV, movies, cartoons, video games, all the things a growing boy
thrives on.

Why do you say that?

My favorite cartoons growing up: He-Man, Voltron, Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles, etc., all about the good guys kickin' ass.

I would appreciate it if you would watch your tongue!

Would it each your mind if I pretended I was talking about donkey
beating? Wait, that doesn't sound too much better . . .

Are you annoyed that does not sound too much better?

No, nevermind, ignore that one, doc.

Perhaps you could continue.

Ok, doc, what gets me is that, though you may find my utterance of
"ass" offensive, the fact of the matter is that foul language is part
of the vernacular. Used properly, in context, and not excessively,
cursing can be a fine form of communication.

When did you first know that though I may find your utterance of ass
offensive the fact of the matter is that foul language is part of the
vernacular used properly in context and not excessively cursing can be
a fine form of communication?

Oh boy, i knew that one would go right passed your conversation algorithm.

Is the fact that one would go right passed my conversation algorithm
the real reason?

It's been fun, doc, but it looks like this session broke.

Earlier you said happens between those two events well that's what
makes each persons' journey an unique one?

Goodbye, doctor.

My secretary will send you a bill.